Haiku of Monster Booty Call 2000

3/2/00 - 5:21PM

jon is good to go
chaps, boots, spurs, razor scraping
he's the colonel now

-terri


3/3/00 - 8:08PM

Film making spring time
Conan, I love the reefa
corn dog assault fan.

-Cecilia


3/7/00 - 11:18AM

Lights Camera Action
Movie makin' appetite
Finger-Lickin’ Good

-The Colonel


3/7/00 - 11:45AM

bald head shines in sun
that's a parrot in his mouth!
time to pass that torch

-Escobar


3/7/00 - 12:06PM

i will take jon's flame
robot gunslinger i am
my lines, just haikus

-YUL 1111
3/7/00 - 12:22PM

I like beef jerky,
It's spicy, salty and tough.
Teet should make some....yum!

-Al


3/7/00 - 4:15PM

Lets make a movie
Indulge in earthly delights
Bring Your own chicken

-The Colonel


3/7/00 - 4:37PM

"You look good in chaps,"
she said. Tipping up his hat,
he said, "Don't we all?"

-Madame C, Proprietor, Second Best Little Whorehouse in Georgia


3/7/00 - 6:12PM

I don't understand.
How do you churn out haikus?
I don't have the gift...

-Hilary Ann Meredith, Communications Specialist, Experian, Inc.


3/7/00 - 6:44PM

Good one, Hilary.
That's it. No haiku.

-Cecilia
3/7/00 - 7:49PM

Oh but I have one:
Chaps too tight -- fasting, fasting,
No chicken for me!

-Shana Mae


3/8/00 - 12:31AM

Memorial Day.
You'll put an eye out with that.
Wheel of misfortune.

-J


3/8/00 - 8:33AM

Haiku is easy
Hilary can join in soon
With five-seven-five

-terri


3/8/00 - 8:33AM

Minds churn, fingers type
But Turner folks not working
Just writing haiku

-terri


3/8/00 - 9:01AM

You should be ashamed
We always write in Haiku
Who is this stranger?

-The Colonel
3/8/00 - 11:26AM

"Yabba-dabba-doo!"
It was quitting time for me.
Hence, no more haiku.

That last one even
rhymed, my fellow compadres.
The bar is lowered.

On sticky note next
to keyboard, I write the rule:
"Five, seven, five - fool!"

-Chesty LaRoo


3/9/00 - 4:05PM

All's quiet on the
haiku front. Everybody
busy? Work sucks rocks.

-Cecilia


3/13/00 - 8:11PM

Haikus are stupid
No more fucking Haikus please
They are really dumb

-Pillow


3/17/00 - 9:53AM

Warm up the deep fat
The Colonel's coming to town
Who wants a drumstick?

-The Colonel
3/17/00 - 10:02AM

Memorial Day
The first real day of summer
Please pass the bug spray

-jennifer kraft


3/17/00 - 10:23AM

Shoot a film we will
Drinks on YUL-1111
Ass and Tonics good!

-Larry


3/17/00 - 10:34AM

Asymptotic Good?
Is that what you mean, Larry?
What's Ass & Tonic?

-Shana Mae


3/17/00 - 10:38AM

One part Gordon's Gin
One part "Taste like Ass" Tonic
Damn! that is Smooth

-Larry


3/17/00 - 10:53AM

Today's haikus the
best ones yet. Any haiku
with "ass" gets my vote.

-Cecilia
3/17/00 - 11:03AM

There has been a week-long email conversation with my family discussing Kentucky Fried Chicken. Rumor has it that the name is now "KFC" because it isn't really chicken.

"I'll give you a topic: Kentucky Fried Chicken is neither from Kentucky nor chicken. Discuss."

-Cecilia


3/17/00 - 11:24AM

Beak, gizzard, feathers
vroom, vroom, vroom goes the blender
Yum popcorn chicken

-Jennifer Kraft


3/17/00 - 2:28PM

Beak? Gizzard? Feathers?
All are close to the chicken,
hence not included.

Rat tails, spider legs,
and sundry roadkill: that's what
KFC's made of.

Stomach growls, hollow,
Only one thing fills the void
Zesty Triple Crunch.

-Cecilia


3/17/00 - 2:47PM

Chicken-to-people
ratio in Delaware:
three hundred to one.

-Cecilia
3/17/00 - 3:31PM

Can we please end on that one. please.

-Larry


3/18/00 - 10:18PM

No. Ass ass ass ass.
Chicken chicken chicken ass.
chicken ass chicken.

-Robert Andrew McDaniel


3/19/00 - 3:10PM

Line one: ass four times,
yet I still can't get any.
Ass, that is. A piece.

-Cecilia


3/21/00 - 5:08PM

Back from NYC,
Thirteen haiku await me.
Don't you people work?

And Mom sent a box.
There was a haiku in it.
I'm getting frightened...

-Hil


3/21/00 - 10:14PM

Work is for little
people. Why, oh why can't I
write haiku for dough?

-Cecilia
3/23/00 - 3:46PM

I'm going to name
my child "Koo," so when greeting,
you just say, "Hi, Koo."

-Cecilia


Date & Time Unknown

How does everybody feel about changing the shoot date from Memorial Day weekend to the next weekend (Friday, June 2 thru Monday, June 5)? I'd still like to gather at the cabin Thursday night, shoot Friday, Saturday and Sunday, then return to Atlanta on Monday.

Email me at home or work if that'd be a problem. Thanks!

-J


3/29/00 - 4:44PM

Change is a good thing
Especially deep fat grease
I'm in for new date

-The Colonel


3/29/00 - 11:17PM

Date change? Sheriff in.
Missing Bruce Springsteen? The Boss?
Only for movie...

Memorial Day?
Bubbapalooza, Star Bar...
Slope's BBQ Good!!!

-Andy
4/4/00 - 12:16AM

Come one and come all
Meteorites and space bats
Come late, kill'd off first

-Jayku


4/4/00 - 11:45AM

O that Drunk day is near!
Forget Grogg and just drink Beer!
Yule tide! Yule tide cheer!

-Larry


4/4/00 - 2:45PM

I know you all have
missed my haiku trickery.
Internet problems.

-Cecilia


4/5/00 - 12:13AM

AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New haiku from Yul
One too many words I fear!
Is the spell broken?

-Andy


Date & Time Unknown

Helen "Conan, I love the reefer" Martin died on March 25. Her obituary in the New York Times today mentions nothing of the funniest line in television history. She was 90. She was in Repo Man AND House Party II.

-Cecilia
4/5/00 - 12:15AM

Her memory lives...
the reefer will make it so,
as we share good times...

-Andy


Date & Time Unknown

Do you get all your news from the NY Times? Because NPR this morning actually played the clip from Late Night. You should really consider switching your news source.

-Colonel Sanderson


4/5/00 - 1:28PM

If NPR were
a person, I would shoot it,
having no regrets.

A present from my
friend Hilary: a book that's
named "Haikus for Jews."

-Cecilia
4/5/00 - 10:12PM

If NPR were
a dog, I would neuter it
many, many times.

If NPR were
a tree, I would sic said dog
on said tree to pee.

If NPR were
an ass, I would kick it 'til
the famed cows came home.

If NPR were
a car, I would drive it in
gear 2 at sixty*.

*MPH

-Cecilia


4/6/00 - 10:40AM

If you stick to your dream of being paid to haiku by publishing haiku like that, you may have a hard time promoting it. Who else would have someone on to talk about their book of haiku but NPR?

FYI: Those sentences are comprised of 3 haiku...

The burning bridges
Melt the writer's sorry soul.
So what's up your butt?

-Hil
4/6/00 - 1:17PM

If NPR was
as cool as it thinks it is,
Cecilia reigns.

What bugs me about
it is they think themselves sole
heirs to intellect.

This is what is so
firmly lodged in that vast and
scary place: my butt.

-Cecilia


4/11/00 - 10:28PM

Hey everyone - Are you sick of Haiku. (Note: no question mark, simply a rhetorical statement). Try 'Nose-It' or 'Nozit' however you like. As all connoisseurs of fine Scotch know...(or those who have attended the 'Johnny Walker Journey of Taste' at the Ritz in Buckhead)...{Free food and Scotch, how could you refuse}... you must 'Nose' your scotch to fully appreciate the aroma.

I've been discussing this with Hilary, and we've found a few items NOT to 'Nose'. Read on for the history and feel free to 'Reply to All' and watch the list grow. Feel free to add things to 'Nose' or 'NOT to Nose'.

Isn't electronic mail fun and easy to use!!!

Enjoy,

Jon


4/12/00 – 6:47PM

Shoe of the limping
Majestic waitress, there is
something not to nose.

Something else: a Kraft
single microwaved atop
apple pie slices.

-Cecilia
4/12/00 – 8:16PM

Nose-it:

the snot that hangs from
Jon's nose as he prepares the
Not To Nose-It list.

-Pillow


4/12/00 – 9:16PM

Add this to the "Yes"
list: Andy's ribs. And puddin'.
Banana puddin'.

The ever-growing
"No" list needs one more thing: my
dog's gassy assy.

-Cecilia


4/13/00 - 10:02AM

If you're happy &
you Nose-It, clap your hands! If
you're happy . . . Nose-It!

-Shana Mae


NOSE-IT:

Larry-
Coffee

Pillow-
Jon’s snot

Cecilia-
Andy's ribs
Banana puddin'
Terri-
fresh rosemary
anything liz cooks
oil paint

Shana Mae-
freshly-made mimeographs (from the ditto machine)
carbon copies
browned butter


NO-NOSE-IT:

Jon-
Ginger-Ale
Vinegar
Gas (any kind)
Ammonia
Anything that has been in the fridge for longer than you can remember
Anything in Andy's fridge at all
Things at the bottom of the laundry hamper (just wash 'em, no need to nose-it)

Hil-
powdered sugar donuts
litter boxes (like the hamper - just clean it)
any unexpected wet spots around the house that you think may be cat pee (just clean it up, whatever it may be)
the flaming skull drink at Trader Vic's (ouch!)

Robert Andrew McDaniel-
anything made of foam rubber and shaped like a large ice cream cone or rock that
drunk people may have spent time inside of...

Liz-
A bride's armpits during the ceremony
The insides of a bride's shoe after dancing in the sun all day
A bride's breath with a champagne hangover the next morning

Larry-
The seat of a chair at the Clairmont.
The glass display case in the Elvis room.
The (Shuttle Knob/ Steering column) of (C Control/ The Commodore 64)
Somebody else's nose.
Cecilia-
Limping Majestic waitress’ shoe
Kraft single microwaved atop apple pie slices
My dog's gassy assy

Terri-
soggy doggy toys
mulch from compost bin

Shana Mae-
Freemont's periphery 12 hrs after he's eaten a stick of butter again
Raspberry Vinegar at Lettuce Souprise You!
Potatoes you forgot about in the back of the cabinet
a big tumbleweed of oak tree pollen


4/24/00 - 12:32PM
When the pigeons come
back to San Chimichanga
we shall meet again.

Jon's Amberglow log
set aflame. Thank the risen
Jesus for the pan.

The right-wing Christian
shouts, "Happy Resurrection!"
to the heathen girl.

Where's Larry and his
promised Easter films? Eating
forcemeat with his hands?

(I just wanted to
use the word "forcemeat" in an
artistic format.)

-Cecilia
6/28/00 - 11:37AM

The vomit machine
casts a shadow of drunken
moments of genius.

-Nips